Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Me - Factfile

July – it’s been a bad month for this blog. Most of my ramblings have been inspired by annoyances, hatred and contempt. Unfortunately, save for the usual gripes, July has been a joyous month so far. Bugger. I won’t bore you with any of that. Instead, I’ll offer up a quick factfile about myself, your blogger.

• Until the age of twelve I believed that Siamese twins were conjoined cats.

• Sex Education at the age of 10 messed me up pretty bad.

• Turning 30 in just over a month terrifies me.

• If I could only eat one genre of food for the rest of my life it would be Italian. No doubt. Pasta and pizza rule my world. Sure, I’d miss curries and Chinese, but I probably couldn’t live without pasta.

• Seeing people get hit in the face by balls (of the sporting variety) will always be funny. So long as they’re all right afterwards, of course. Even if they weren’t it would probably warrant a laugh until I realised the severity of the situation.

• My second toe in is longer than my big toe. I see this as a strength. Others see it as a mutation. I can pick up stuff with my feet. They can’t. You do the math.

• I get overly embarrassed when a rubbish song comes on my iPod on the train. Not that I ever listen to it loudly on public transport. But there’s still always the outside chance that someone will hear me listening to ‘Call the Shots’ by Girls Aloud, and that won’t do anything for my public profile.

• I would probably do just about anything for a good payday right now. Make me an offer. Let’s test this shit out.

• I’d like to live in a foreign country. England is waaaay too aggro for my liking. I appreciate that’s a sweeping generalisation, but I’ve just got back from Madrid where hundreds of thousands of people were celebrating a football game by getting extremely drunk in the street. I didn’t see one bit of trouble, and you hardly knew the police were even there. That could never happen in London.

• I can’t sleep on my back. And I can’t sleep on planes without medication.

• If I could have any super power, it would be the ability to stop time still yet be able to move around freely whilst everything else was frozen. I wouldn’t age at all during these periods. That would be awesome. The possibilities are endless.

• I’ve always been a dog man, but cats are definitely growing on me. Not literally. If only they didn’t have to shit in a box in your house. That’s a definite mark against them.

And once again I am spent. Maybe I’ll hit you with some more hot facts soon. Any questions/comments, fire away. Much love.