Walking? Nonsense.

I hate walking. It's really rubbish. This isn't something I've just decided, I've harboured this hatred for some time. Let me be specific though; I don't hate walking per se. That is, if I'm walking around a zoo, or having a pleasant stroll around scenic countryside, ambling up a local hill, or even just shimmying around the block so man's best friend can poo out of his bottom-hole, I'm all for it. Yeah, that's when walking really pays off. 

But walking as a method of getting somewhere... well, it's bollocks isn't it? It's basically the slowest way to get somewhere. "Hmmm, I need to get to from A to B... I wonder if there's any way I could make that journey take much longer than necessary?" It's just not a question that ever enters my mind.

Yet despite the painfully slow progress, stroll somewhere on a hot day and you'll almost certainly work up a minor sweat. So, not only will you take ages to get there, but you'll also be sweaty by the time you arrive. And that, my friends, is quite rubbish. If, instead, I could remove all of my sweat glands and wee my sweat out at a more appropriate time, I'd rather run everywhere. Much quicker.

Walking: it's officially rubbish. If there are no caged animals, no rolling hillsides or no furry mammals shitting at the end of a length of rope involved, then, frankly, I'm not interested.